Category: Introspection

Empathy.

I have been ill for three consecutive weeks. I have missed two work days out of five for these three consecutive weeks and it is more than putting a glower on myself, I am feeling a basketful of guilt for leaving the manning of the fort to my two superiors. My two unequivocally professional and beyond worthy to my superiors. They are vastly more improved than I in this profession (I still use the Media and Comms excuse) but their invaluable kindness and mentorship has made it much, much easier for me to be ill. And I say this for the entire company.

The company that knows just how much an individual person is worth.

Even so, in the creative department, I have disappeared upon these pages too. How have you all been? Did any of you have a sweet apple today? Dipped it in yoghurt for a snack? Did someone climb a particularly challenging staircase this week? Or fumbled down the couch as they reach for the remote control?

I know I have done less than dismal of physical activities. If I count walking to the car, walking to the refrigerator, stretching by the bed, using my thumbs as I wreak havoc on a gaming console…

To continue is to make a fool of myself.

Alas, I feel braver. Braver in my insecurity, that is. As oftentimes I catch myself needing to apologise for my human condition of illness. And I thought, why should I?

But it helps. It thoroughly helps when empathy is your ally.

Fashion spiel

I cannot account as to how long it has been since I last shopped at a direct factory outlet. I recall driving past and pausing at our local shopping centre not ten-minutes away, and usually I’ll get driven thanks to some learner pals.

So when I went today, after having returned some notes from my piggy bank, I felt far from disinterested when the sale signs launched their marketing assault. What kind of brands do I silly in?

Pfft, everything, I think to myself as I lunge after that orange box numbered “size 8”. Appalled by my brother’s holeful socks, I did not have time to deliberate. I was taken straight to the counter.

My real purpose was to buy myself a camera bag and some mints but instead, my name was screamed at a store and I was given a 50% discount by my fashionably A+ friend. Here’s my fashion rundown, Tavi Gevinson:

Peach is the new rose gold. Even if a CEO scoffs at it.

Always white shoes over black and white. Because you already have a black and white somewhere, don’t be greedy.

Slightly expensive black socks.

Coats.

It’s a must.

 

 

Anniversary countdowns and exorbitant buys.

I’m excited to my bones for this wintery month of June. Summer, for those who live in the hemisphere that still refuses to measure in metres.

Work has been loaded with luncheons here and there and call me nasty, but I’m starting to understand why the term “food snob” was purposed. Perhaps, it’s to limit the collateral damage, but mostly because the food in this city, this gorgeous, luminous, effervescent city is just unparalleled. Nevertheless, I still enjoy a fusion Chinese night out with my fam and a half.

The rollercoaster ride of reaching three months at work is at its peak now that we’re halfway through 2017. To be more specific (alluding to my topic sentence above), June went on a metropolitan train ride to the likes of SoHo or the Emporium armed with recyclable shopping bags and a thirst for the adventurous efrits.

Firstly, my parents’ wedding anniversary is finally on countdown. They are booked for the wondrous, unexpected glory of New Zealand, a southern journey closest to our penguin pals down in the whitest south. Us begotten children o’ theirs have ramped up their sojourn with as much luxury as we can afford between a university student, two full-timers with bills to pay, and one with a monthly Netflix subscription.

Let’s just say we told them to pack heavy and to pack in style. *insert wink face*

To the personal creative, I, the filmmaker, finally bought myself a cinema camera worth all that marketing collateral changes and in-house designing with my very limited eye sight. It’s the perfect time to bust out the cinematic perspective of two odysseys ahead: 1. An all-expenses paid photoshoot slash hike come July, and 2. My own New Zealand trip with my “Denmarkian” upon thine end of her Masters exchange in November.

All day I’ve been thinking up of brewing tea and never getting around to it as I launched tab after tabs of research into the best lens for a dandy Blackmagic, ready to unleash the Patty Jenkins in me.

Sure, it seems costly to an Adidas shoe-buyer, but I’m a future-thinker gal. I invest on solid certainties only. i.e. I don’t buy books if I won’t re-read them again. And that’s a guarantee.

Suffice it to say, I have not been this excited for exorbitant purchases for a while now. Sending my parents off has always been my dream, and something I’ve worked very hard towards. I am enraptured for them as I peruse the bookings we made, and the places they will visit. They deserve much more, but this is a start.

I am also keeping myself accountable for all such spendings by creating an excel spreadsheet, and if my glasses don’t say otherwise, I am really feeling the “adult” in me butterfly-ing.

But hey, I love new chapters. Especially in my own book.

Steam train no go’s.

Harper nudges me with her elbow, pretending that I am not constantly aware of her presence at all times. She sighs belatedly, sliding down her chair till her head’s about the height of the ignition.

“We were supposed to go on a steam train journey on Saturday.”

Ah yes, she mentioned that. In fact, I believe she mentioned it to everyone at her work and now she’s afraid that she has no adventurous story to tell any longer. 

“Sure, we had stuffed crust pizza and I binged and slept like a mama without her newborn.” She makes a noise at the back of her throat that resembles a choking dog. “But a steam train. That was supposed to be my grand weekend adventure! Doesn’t matter if, by the end of it, I’m an icicle.”

When Harper’s exchange friend visited from the U.S. last July, she was keen on making certain she made the most of what her wonder-home had to offer. One of them was said steam train adventure, mostly for young children, but they were all unabashedly children at heart, anyway. And so they went for a little trip to Belgrave, blasting Frank Ocean tunes and admiring the gables and rusty greens. 

They reminisced about that time they watched “Something Rotten” in Broadway, recalling the annoying couple who watched themselves more intently than the wonderful display of art and music before them. They all agreed: #WhatAWaste

And upon arrival at the end station, they grabbed hot cocoa and took pictures of pretty birds, not minding their vanity at all. Harper recalls how much her friend hated birds (a flamboyant flamingo said cause) but she stood courageous enough to snap some shots. For her dad, apparently, whom she expressly missed so.

“Perhaps we can go next time,” I tell her, strapping her seat belt on. 

“They’ll probably go this Saturday and I won’t be able to come.” They, meaning her family. “I specifically made sure that it was last Saturday. Specifically. I even declined a surprise birthday party.”

I offered to buy her fast food to sate her and she simply shakes her head. Then her eyes light up like someone turned on the switch too early, blinding everyone in the room.

“Let’s go and watch a musical!”

And that’s another story to tell…

Get me that horizon.

My creative comrade is currently traversing the steppes of the United States of America. Following the trail I left, and blazing his own footstamps.

We had a small conversation this morning whilst I wasted away in bed, suffering, perhaps in normal guilt over my first use of a sick leave. He said he had lots of GOSS for me. And by goss, he means adventure stories. A portraiture of the empty fields of green, the towering mountains as they pedalled across destinations and states, the variety of winter/autumn/going to summer jackets and pantaloons. I follow him in a basic, alternative way, my viewing window the size of a smart phone. Apple or banana.

We chatted cordially infused with superlatives and exclamation points. Of course I felt thrilled for him, exhilarated for his journey that I dragged him to go along to after my own. And we came upon a pow-wow about his return – his seeking my aid upon his return back home and the back and forth’s we will bestow upon our favourite media-sphere and its various universes. We both want to eventually return to that land and seek out a glorious way to serve.

He plans for five years, I plan for four. Working professionally for the experience and the earnings whilst I continue to expand my creative horizons side by side. Scripts in progress, producing and directing roles for the weekends to come, a novella creeping in…

Endless.

Infinite.

Row, row, row the boat, gently down the stream,
Over the mountain gullies,
And tempest, storms, squalls.

Endless.

Infinite.

Horizon.

A PSA.

PSA:

Harper celebrated Mother’s Day by crowning gifts of glory to her birth giver. It was L’Oreal worth it.

Harper also missed reviewing the last two episodes of her current drama show and when she tried to hide this blunder by doing a double-review, her editor says that she has to do two separate ones. Unfortunately, at this moment, she is now currently behind three episodes. She asks for someone to spare her.

After downloading a collage application on her phone, Harper proceeds to create fun and tease for her said birth giver by trademarking her famous “smile”. 30+ likes so far, she most certainly feels like a celebrity.

Harper is also awaiting a recipe from her coworker that she hopes to surprise an incredibly special person: herself.

Harper has locked in a date to visit and ride an old steam train in the North-East from her abode and is very excited to ride with the wind and exert no energy. Calm is peace.

And to conclude,

Harper would also like to apologise that she has been absent upon these pages. She has forgotten the importance of her promise to herself (to record and journal), but she has exciting plans of polishing up a traditional parfait that she hopes to virtually share with you all.

 

Ghosties,

F.M.

To have or to hold.

I brought in Harper to talk about the mature at heart.


Context: Harper’s first friend of a line-up of 3 pairs for this year got married an exact month ago.

H: I don’t feel disembodied to the reality of this friend and the 3 others who will enter in to matrimony at such a permanent age; an age of which I tower over all of them. Accomplishment shouldn’t be measured by another halves’ perfect opinion of you. It should be trialled and tested and left to flow. Drive yourself in independence. Exhaust your pipes singing your way through the Appalachian, or shout across thunderous ocean wide. What do I value, what do they value…

FM: That seems rather opinionated. Some really do just want to settle down.
H: I’m not a harbinger of judgment. My soul is more sincere in its drive to see the world through one pair of eyes first before settling with another pair. Perhaps that is why I cannot seem to accept it as well as I hoped I would by now.

FM: So you feel like their settling means they will miss much?
H: There’s a line, of course. They have their own adventures, I have my one. The difference being is that their pairing will be permanent. There will be no “I” any longer, and you’re always on the constant lookout for the other’s thoughts in matters. Spontaneity will be overridden by assessment. And you cannot get that back anymore. Unless 1 of 2 died, of course, but we never wish that!

FM: You’ll find yourself in their position someday too. You dream of it, you’ve told us as much. They’re simply accelerating a few years before you.
H: Of course, of course. There is no doubt to it. But that is still a few years they can never have back anymore. Sure, time is not of the essence when you’re an eternal-thinker. But we are physically limited humans. Death is inevitable. And there are far too many nations, cultures, cuisines, aromas, felts, brushes, blossoms and pigmentations to wonder at. Therefore, their deep desire for permanent companionship over the immeasurable value of this amazement baffles me.

FM: You can travel together.
H: And the spontaneous trip with your girl friends or boy friends are out of the picture.

FM: You heart fill be full and fluttering and blushing.
H: A conversation with a stranger on a moonlight stroll, unprompted and naturale.

FM: A kiss or two?
H: I can wait.

FM: Tell us what you picture.
H: A quiet room with a filled bookshelf. You’re inside your covers, perhaps you’d like to turn on a movie or open to the last page of your book. Tomorrow, you fly to a cousin, an auntie eight/fifteen hours away. You create magic with your gifts, and you return home to replete.
Then again, perhaps I am overthinking it.

FM: Do your own thing and they do theirs. You’ll find both your paths, accelerated or not.

H: Thank you. That is a deep wish.


Harper loves love. She romanticises romance and often daydreams of what it would be like to be the Elizabeth Bennet to someone’s Fitzwilliam Darcy. But like Lizzie, or perhaps, dear Belle, there is a great world out there. A place that one cannot compare.

For some, that may be a person. For others, it may be the places. For Harper, it’s a little bit of both. But the former can wait, she speaks. The latter is vehemently, absolutely, for now.